Angels Of Darkness
by Jkupchurch
Summary: Pain Torture Death, It's all my fault Ponyboy Is Feeling Guilty About The Deaths Of His Parents And Johnny And Dally All Credit Goes To SE Hinton
1. Chapter 1

**A/N THIS IS FOR JAS AND MY OTHER ROLE PLAYING FRIENDS WHO ACTUALLY MADE ME PROMISE CAUSE THEY WON'T LET ME HURT MYSELF SO THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO... Be happy my friends**

**~JKUPCHURCH**

Pain, it's all I feel now. There is this force surrounding me killing all feeling and hope. They don't know, none of them do. Hell, they don't understand it's my fault. All four of them are dead and somehow it's my fault.I have direct contact with how they died. I have killed them, all of them.

This is the only solution, the only way I can be free. It is filled with pain, but pain seems to be my only escape from the nothingness. The black hole that has taken me hostage, pulled me away from all my friends. I've stopped sharing a room with Soda, I knew me being depressed made him upset. It's made everyone upset, they all hate me, hate me for being a stupid tag along kid.

Steve, I bet he is taking glory in all this, saying he was right all along, I can't do anything right. Soda is probably worried about me, why I don't know. No one deserves to have to deal with me, my scar ridden arms prove it, I just want it to end, want the black hole to go away yet I can't. I can't bring myself to leave Soda and Darry like that. But who am I kidding Darry'd be happy I'm gone, one less person to provide for and worry about and Two-Bit, he'd be joking about my death saying I didn't do it soon enough.

All of them would benefit, all of them would be glad I'm gone. Darry, he wouldn't yell at me about my grades dropping anymore. Right now, my teachers are "Worried" cause of the sudden grade drop and all my black clothes. Full on depression, black clothes, not talking, hell, I even dyed my hair black. Soda says it's just a phase, no, this is more than a phase.

"Hey Greaser!" A socs yelled, every since Johnny died I've been the main target, I don't exactly care anymore. They hurt me and the pain feels good. Ignoring them would only make them madder and make the pain even greater. "HEY GREASE! I was talking to to." I just smiled and kept walking, the car sped up some and pulled in front of me.

"Hey answer me when I talk to you." Five, five socs got out, each of them would take a turn beating on me, each of them would cause pain. "Maybe I didn't want to." I've also become bad with my mouth, always talking bad to the "Gang" now. "Well grease, when I say talk to me talk to me or you just might regret it." Regret it, whats the worse they can do to me, nothing worse then I already have.

"I'm so scared..." I said mockingly, anger flared in all there eyes each one of them took a step towards me, I just stood there standing my ground. "Well, looks like this grease needs to be taught a lesson." In the next second two of them were holding down my arms and legs and the one who was threatening me sat on my chest pinning my arms down with his knees.

"Damn greaser, we're going to teach you your place." I felt the cool edge of a blade against my neck. "Move once and you're dead." He reached is fist up and brought it down on my face. It felt good, it's going to leave a bruise. "Fucking greaser." He brought his fist down on my face again, another bruise. This time though, I felt something dripping down my cheek, blood. Blood is much better than the pain, it'll leave a scar, a battle wound almost.

"Hey Darren, look at this." I felt the socs holding my arms start to pull on my sleeves, this is bad, no one is supposed to see the scars. "What is it?" I felt the look from my bleeding face to where my sleeve used to be protecting and hiding the scars. "Awww... the little greaser wants to die?" I felt he looking at the scars smiling. "Well we can help with that." Dammit, as much as I loved the pain I don't want to die from some stupid social. For the first time in a while I am finding myself wanting Soda and Darry. "Hey, give me that blade."

The blade left my neck, I was starting to get a little nervous, if anyone was going to kill me I wanted it to be myself not some soc. "Let go of me." I spat at them, snickers came from around me. "Aww... we just want to have a little fun. I felt the blade go to my wrist, pleasure filled my body as soon as the cold metal touched the scars, it's like my brain thought I was doing it to myself. "Is the greaser liking this? Liking the pain. Damn emo..."

Footsteps, I heard running, people running towards me and the socs. "HEY WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!?" I knew that voice, Soda, his usually cheery voice had gone stone cold and was filled with hatred, all towards me I bet. "Come on grease we were just having a little fun." Fun? For them maybe, a little for me but I didn't need them threatening to kill me that's my job.

"Let the kid go now." Two-Bit growled, I felt all there eyes on the socs and the blade. "Fine." I felt someone grab my shirt and yank me up. "Here." The soc pushed me towards Soda, I felt his arms immediately around me protectively. "Before we go," I look over towards the socs who were now in their car. "You might want to check his wrist." I felt all eyes on my, the socs took this distraction to quickly drive away.

"Ponyboy, what were they talking about?" Soda's voice was filled with fear. "Nothing, can we just go home." I knew that they weren't going to give in. "Ponyboy show me your wrist now." Darry said walking over to us. "NO!" I yelled by accident, now they were defiantly going to check. "Pony, as soon as we get home, you are showing us your wrist, all of us." I didn't have to look up from my wrist to know he glanced at Steve and Two-Bit.

"Let's go home." Soda kept his arm around me and started walking, I walked with him Darry, Steve and Two-Bit were lagging behind us, I knew they were talking about me I could barely hear them but they were. "Hey Ponyboy how's your day been?" Soda asked, I looked over at him and shruged. "Got jumped again, not a big deal." Soda looked at me surprised when I said again. "Again," He began cautiously. "What do you mean again?" Is he really that dumb, I knew he was but really? "Yes again, as in like the fifth time this week, it's a daily occurrence, cant believe none of you all have been smart enough to find out." I snapped at him, he looked hurt but I didn't care, I didn't care about anything anymore.

"Pony, i'm sorry for whatever I did..." "You did, everyone, you all hate me, it's my fault mom and dad died and it's my fault Johnny and Dally died, just admit it you HATE ME!" I pulled out of his arm and faced them. All four of them stood looking at me wide eyed. "I'll be at home." I turned away from them and started running towards the house, the one thing that hasn't changed about me, my speed. "PONY WAIT!" I heard Soda yell but I just kept running towards the house, I didn't care what he had to say. Running up the steps I flung open the door and ran inside, back to my room in the back of the house, away from all of them.

**A/N CHAPTER 1, so yeah this is chapter 1 and I have this story planned out and yeah I just need to write it so expect frequent updates and I AM TAKING REQUEST so if you have an idea please tell me, I want to write it... Yeah... Yeah... Yeah... SPAM :D Okay free cookies Hands out free cookies* Yeah, ummm... Bye**


	2. Chapter 2

SODA'S POV

"Darry... what was that about? First the socs saying check his wrist after jumping him, then that." I looked back towards Darry, Steve and Two-Bit who were just as confused as I was standing there wide eyed looking down the street towards where Ponyboy ran off. "I don't know but I don't like it, he didn't think twice about getting jumped." Didn't think twice, what did he say? "Darry..." I looked back at them, I was terrfied on the inside, what has been happening to my poor baby. "What?" I got out of my thoughts and looked at Darry, Steve and Two-Bit who were now watching me. "Ponyboy said he gets jumped on a daily occurrence... As if it happens all the time now. He said we've been to stupid to figure it out and that we hate him..."

"What?!" Steve and Two-Bit said at the same time, I knew this was a suprise to them since they are with Ponyboy at school... Hell, it's a suprise to me and what was with him saying we hate him. He is my Ponyboy, I could never hate him even if he killed the entire gang I would never hate him. "Darry, let's go I want to find out what the socs were talking about." I started walking towards the house, Ponyboy was going to tell us what was happening whether he wanted to or not. He was my Ponyboy and I didn't want anything bad happening to him.

PONYBOY'S POV

This is bad, so very bad... They weren't supposed to find out about the cuts, no one was. The damn socs ruin everything, all I wanted them to do was beat up on me so I could feel the pain but then they had to go and find the scars and cuts, then they just had to tell Soda and Darry and them. They're going to hate me even more, and I don't blame them. They have every reason to hate me, everyone has a reason to hate me. Infact everyone should hate me. They all should want me to be burning in hell. I'm an Angel of Darkness, spreading hatred around. All these damn Angel's of Darkness are haunting me, keeping me from being happy. It's all the Angel's fault. Not mine, only theirs. What am I even saying it is my fault, everything is. Everything is always my fault and it always has and and will be. How can they even stand to look at me.

Soon they will be get home and demand to know what the socs were talking about and here I am just pacing my room back in forth not doing anything to solve the problem. Dammit, they weren't supposed to find out like this, they weren't supposed to find out at all. Now they know, I know they know even without having to see the scars. How I snapped at Soda like that and sprinted home. How could I have been so stupid. Now they are definalty going to want to know what's going on. Why the hell does this have to happen to me? Why the hell was I even born I have no purpose on this planet...

"God I hope this work..." I mumbled to myself while walking over to my desk. Top left drawer was my theme that I wrote after Johnny and Dally died, Soda and Darry never touched it cause they knew I didn't want them to, the perfect place to hide me blade. Slowly I picked it up and looked at the theme, a couple hundred pages of notebook paper that took me a week to write, a one hundred grade. Under it was my blade, two different bloods were stained on it. Mine and that Bob guys, Johnny's old blade. That's what made cutting feel so good. It was almost like Johnny was doing it, like he was the one causing me pain.

I picked up the red tinted blade and looked at it, not only inch was still silver, all of it... a red tint. It made me smile to think that most of that was my blood, most of it I put on there myself. 'This has to be fast.' I put the blade to my wrist and let it rest on all of the other scars, all of them tell of story from the past few months when I was struggling and having a tough time. Just having the blade sit there gave my body a rush, I just needed more, I needed to see, feel the blood pouring out of my wrist as I lay dying. I pushed it down to where it was cutting into my skin and swiped it across. After a minute blood, my blood started seeping out of the vein I cut in down my arm. It started draining out of my body, collecting in small little rivers on my arm. And how I loved it, this was it, I am going to die after this. I don't want to live anymore with all this regret, I shouldnt be living anymore... I should be burning in hell.

I wasn't worth life, I shouldn't be alive. Soda and Darry, they shouldn't have to deal with me, I am only a burden. Why Johnny thought he was I don't know, he was never a burden we preferred he was here, no one wants me anymore. Soda... he won't have to work full time, go back to school and go to college. Darry could go to college and I would no longer be holding them back. No longer keeping them from living the life hey deserve. They could finally read what happened in Windrixville in my school theme. They'd know the things I know and lived. No more secerts, the socs ruined that. Now just the truth, the painful truth.

My vision was starting to get blurry, blacks dots covered it. Now blood was soaking into the sheets on my bed dying them red. This is it... I'm going to die.

The door opened and I heard footsteps coming back towards my room. Dammit... They're here all ready. I pressed the blade to my skin and cut across it again, more blood freely flowed out.

They were right outside my room now, I heard someone open the door and a gasp. "DARRY!" Soda... he yelled and I heard three more sets of footsteps come running back. "Oh my god, Soda first aid kit now!" Someone ran away and another person yanked the blade out of my hand. "Give it back." I looked up and saw Steve looking at me, he was pale white and was holding the blade. Soda came running back in with the first aid kit and him and Darry crossed the room over to me.

"Ponyboy why?" Soda asked his voice filled with fear and worries, but it's not like he actually cares, no one does. "You all hate me, it's my fault they're all dead and you hate me." I looked up into their faces, they were both shocked. Soda opened the first aid kit and started handing Darry things. Darry grabbed my arm. "NO!" I yelled pulling away from him. "Steve, Two-Bit hold him." Steve and Two-Bitw walked over and grabbed both my arms and legs. "Let me go!" They weren't having it, none of them were letting me go.

"We aren't letting you go so don't even try." I kept pulling and trying to kick after Two-Bit said that, I don't want their help, I deserve this. "Pony! Stop!" Soda yelled practically in tears. "WHY? You all hate me! I deserve to DIE!" Everything went silent as I said this, Soda ran out of them room, I knew he was crying, there was somewhat regret in my but I didn't care. I didn't care about any of them anymore, none of them.


	3. Chapter 3

Ponyboy's POV

I stared at all of their shock filled faces. They looked back in forth between each other before Darry stopped fixing my wrist and left the room. The front door opened then slammed shut, right after it opened and shut quietly. Steve and Two-Bit were still holding me down not letting me go. The socs ad to go and ruin everything, they had to tell them, I don't regret cutting all I wish is I took my own life before they found out. I should have killed myself right after the trial, they wouldn't have to be dealing with me right now.

"Dammit, Steve come here." I felt Two-Bit let go of me, he walked out my door Steve soon following. On my wrist was a tightly wrapped bandage, so Darry did get it wrapped up. I couldn't feel any blood but I was dizzy from what I did lose. I can't sleep though, if I sleep they'll put me in a hospital, I'll be staying in the crazy rooms and I can't have that. I can't deal with living inside a crazy house, much less the house I grew up in. This place has too many bad memories, mom, dad, Johnny and Dally. This place... I hate Tulsa, hate it with a passion.

Dammit, I'm just going to sleep. The dizziness is too much for me to handle. I laid down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Memories of me and Soda jumping around and throwing things up at the ceiling and acting all tough and trying to be cool like Darry flashed across my mind. We used to envy Darry, me and Soda wanted to be just like him. Me and Soda did everything together then. He was my best friend, But that was then, and this is now. **such a loser)**

Two-Bit's POV

"Dammit, Steve come here." I let go of Ponyboy and walked outside of his room to the hallway. Steve followed after a minute shutting the door behind him. "Steve, how the hell have we not seen him getting beat up on during school?" Steve was just as shocked as me when he screamed that at us. We've been trying our best to keep him safe, trying our best not to let the kid get picked on and here we go finding out that we've failed at that. "I don't know, maybe it's right after classes since we are on different sides of the school."

That was true, Ponyboy was in all the smart classes on one side of the school while us on the other hand were in the dumb classes on the other side. So he could be getting beat up while we are walking over there then just hiding it but I don't know. Dammit, how could we have all been so blind to see how much pain he was in. "That must be it..." I said, I opened up his door again and saw Pony was asleep. He hadn't pulled on the bandage or anything, just looks like he went right to sleep.

"The kid okay?" Steve asked as I shut the door again keeping it cracked open a little. "Yeah, he went to sleep, didn't look like he pulled on the bandage Darry put on him or anything." Steve nodded and walked into the living room turning on the TV to low volume. I sat down on the couch and we both stared at the TV not watching it or anything. Just looking at it, like we were memorized and we couldn't turn away.

"I never hated the kid." Steve said, I looked p and he looked like he was about to start crying. "I never hated him..." Pony did think Steve hated him, just like he thought Darry hated him and now he thinks we all hate him. "I know you didn't Steve." He looked down, silent tears falling down his cheeks. I felt some sliding down mine also. We all had a reason to cry, first the Curtis parents, then Johnny and Dally, we can't lose Ponyboy also. That would just tear us apart, turn us against each other.

Soda's POV

I couldn't take it, I ran out of the room crying. He really thought we hated him. I could never hate Ponyboy, he was my baby. I could never hate him... "Soda?" I looked up and saw Darry standing there, blood was on his hands, Ponyboy's blood. I couldn't take it, I got up and ran out the front door slamming it on the way. I didn't know where to go, the only place I could think of was the lot where we have the rumbles. There haven't been a major rumble since that one but, a few times we've had a good fight. Ponyboy hadn't joined in on that, said something about fights not being good and Staying Gold.

I've never got that, the staying gold thing. Really all I knew was Johnny said that to him or something. He never told us his reasoning about it and I never asked. Maybe that's what has been causing this much pain?

I ran into the lot and just sat down on the hood of an old car. Tears were streaming down my face and really I didn't care who saw anymore. Ponyboy hasn't been happy, he's been hurting myself and I haven't noticed. I've failed him, the signs were easy to see, yet I just shrugged them off and was to blind to see he was in pain. What if the socs didn't tell us, would it have been to late? Would Ponyboy really have killed himself?

"Soda..." I looked behind me and there stood Darry.

Darry's POV

I ran out after Soda not slamming the door like Soda did, though I can't really blame him. None of us saw this, I think we're all blaming ourselves.

Where was Soda going? He ran past the park... the lot maybe? Soda ran straight to the lot and sat down on the hood of a car. "Soda..." He turned around, tears were streaming down his face. "What?" His voice sounded horrible, he was blaming himself more than anyone. I could tell just by listening to him.

"Soda were gonna be okay." I walked closer to him and he jumped off the hood and looked at me. "Are we Darry!" Soda screamed. "I don't know but we are going to be there for Pony and get him help Soda, running away from this isn't going to help." Soda fell to the ground in tears, it hurt me to see him and Ponyboy in tears. "It's my fault, I should've seen the signs." "No Soda, he was hiding the symptons... We couldn't have known. All we can do now is be there for him and show him we still love him." Soda nodded still crying...

**A/N I know I don't update often... I am sorry... Gone? IS the next story I Update then Reading Windrixville... Sigh don't Judge it's not nice...~JKUPCHURCH**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hehe... Update? Yes... I am actually working on updating my stories and I have a plan... hehe and sorry for the shortish chapter**_

_**~JKUPCHURCH**_

Soda's POV

I just stayed there crying with Darry. He was trying to stay strong for us, trying not to sow how much this hurt him also. We just found out that our little brother wanted to kill himself... Who wouldn't be depressed about that. I mean Ponyboy, he can't die. We can't lose anymore friends. We can't. Especially not Ponyboy, he can't leave us. We all love him too much. All of us would be lost without him. Ponyboy's going somewhere in life while we're all stuck in Tulsa and you know what we're fine with that, we all know it's true. Darry may get a chance to leave and if he does he's taking it. I'll make him.

"Soda..." Darry's voice cracked as he said my name. I looked up at him, tears were in his eye threatning to fall. I hated seeing Darry cry, it's horrible because it takes and aweful lot to make him cry. It means he's breaking, he's falling apart. "W-we... we should go home." He choked out, I nodded and stood up. Darry stood next to me and we began walking home. It isn't to far to get back home but we were both being deathly silent. It scared me almost.

Darry was think, I could tell. I can tell when anyone's thinking about something and it's bothering them. That's how I first found out about Sandy moving, she didn't just go out and tell me. We were on a date, something was bothering her. When I asked she told me, she was almost crying. I lost both Ponyboy and Sandy that week. And then Ponyboy came back and now he's trying to leave again. He can't leave though, I'd give my life for him to live. He means that much to me. Ponyboy, it's not that he's going somewhere in life, he needs to. Ponyboy isn't just another greaser, he has dreams, feelings, he has a heart.

Ponyboy wouldn't just go out and start fights. He would go out and get drunk then sleep with every girl he could. He's not like that and that's what makes him Ponyboy. Any different and he'd be like Two-Bit or Steve... Maybe even Dallas.

No, Ponyboy can not be anything like Dally. Dallas would get into fights, go to jail every other week. I wouldn't live with the thought of Pony being in a jail cell by himself. The others would kill him, maybe not physically but emotionally. Kill what little emotion he still has. God dammit... What did we ever do to end up with a life like this, What?

Ponyboy's POV

A black room surrounded me. There were no feelings, I felt nothing. Other voices were here, I knew them. Johnny and Dally, both of them were here. They were talking about me, talking about what I've been doing. The cutting, the depression, everything.

"Why Ponyboy?" Johnny appeared in front of me, he was the same dark puppy I've always known, he looked the same and everything. Just without a scar on his face, without the scar he looked so different. He didn't looked as kicked around, he didn't look so scared and vulnerable. He looked... happy. "I don't know, took the pain and guilt away." "Why the hel do you feel guilty, it ain't your fault we're dead." Dallas snapped at me. It wasn't may fault? Of course it was, all of it is my fault. "Yeah Ponyboy, why do you feel guilty? This is better for us. We are no longer in pain."

No longer in pain? They were dead. How was that not in pain. They didn't get to walk the Earth anymore, they didn't get to see anyone. "Well you two would've never died if it wasn't for me, if I never ran away both of you two would be alive and don't say it's not true it is." They both just sighed and looked at me. "Ponyboy we can't make you stop your ways only you can. Just think about Darry and Soda." And with that they were gone.

Think about Darry and Soda? I am, they are better off with me dead, better off without me. Everyone is, all I do is cause people pain. That's all I've ever done and it's all I ever will. So cutting is a good thing, it causes me pain and makes me feel everything that I make others feel. And I wasn't gonna stop never.

_**Hehe cliff hangerish? Well yeah I enjoy depressed Ponyboy, it's fun to write like this. Yeah... I need to be doing science right now so Bye...**_

_**~J.K. Upchurch**_


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